In a move to protect their dwindling savings from the predatory clutches of "lifelong friends," Singaporeans have begun demanding full financial disclosure before clicking "yes" on any Google Form RSVP.

The days of celebrating love are over; now, it’s purely about whether your pathetic $400 red packet will at least cover the cost of the chilled lobster salad at the Capella.

Couples are reportedly sending out tiered invitation packages, where "Bronze" guests are seated next to the industrial kitchen fans and "Diamond" donors get a 10-second photo-op with the bride’s only rich relative.

One local man confirmed he blocked his childhood best friend after discovering the wedding dinner was held at a mid-tier restaurant instead of a prestigious five-star hotel.

"If there’s no bird’s nest soup or abalone, don’t even think about calling me 'bro'," he spat while refreshing the latest Hongbao Market Rate spreadsheet.

Relationships are temporary, but a negative ROI on a ten-course dinner is a scar that never heals.