Exhausted Singaporean parents are reportedly scouting Asian resorts for the ultimate holiday luxury: never having to see their offspring for the duration of the trip.

New "Kids’ Clubs" are pivoting from simple face-painting to full-scale foster care simulations, allowing parents to achieve the true Singaporean dream of pretending to be childless socialites.

“Actually, I prefer the club got soundproof wall,” said one local lifestyle creator.

“Pay money for what? Pay for peace and quiet lor! If I see my daughter, means the resort fail already.”

Management at several Bali resorts confirmed they are now installing tracking collars on toddlers to ensure they do not accidentally reunite with their biological parents near the bar.

“Safe distance is most important,” noted one father.

“If I hear 'Papa', the holiday is spoil liao.”