The Disney Adventure has finally arrived, offering 6,700 desperate Singaporeans the unique privilege of being trapped in a floating neon purgatory.

For the modest price of a kidney, local families can enjoy the "Ironcycle Test Run," a roller coaster perfectly calibrated to simulate the G-force of a middle-aged Sinkie lunging for the last seat on a rainy-day MRT.

Rotational dining ensures you are never more than six inches away from another citizen's chewing noises, while a $35 plush toy serves as a permanent souvenir of your financial ruin.

"Wah lau, pay so much just to queue for photo with one oversized mouse? Better go Batam buy fake one," remarked one local mother.

Nothing says "magic" like paying four figures to be legally unable to escape your neighbors.