Joel Cutinho is a PR director with a six-pack and a brain that now functions solely as a peripheral for Anthropic’s Claude.

By feeding his digital overlord his muscle mass and fat percentages, Joel has successfully automated the burden of having a soul.

"Claude tells me what to eat, how to lift, and presumably, when I’ve reached peak optimization as a biological asset," Joel said, staring blankly into the middle distance.

The government is doubling down on this "literacy" by offering free premium AI subscriptions, ensuring every citizen can eventually outsource their basic motor functions to a server in Virginia.

Experts warn of "deskilling," noting that doctors are already struggling to locate a pulse without a GPT-4 plugin.

To combat this, the National University Health System has introduced "AI-free periods," where staff are forced to remember they are human for twenty minutes before returning to their roles as sentient data entry points for a superior silicon intelligence.