The Housing Development Board has unveiled its "Eternal Patience" scheme, ensuring young couples only secure housing once they qualify for a state-sponsored coffin.

Statistical experts confirm the probability of winning a BTO ballot is now officially lower than finding a polite BMW driver on the PIE.

"I apply since puberty, now I got white hair and prostate problem also never get, HDB balloting machine is just one big tikam-tikam scam lor," complained bachelor Lim Pek Check.

Authorities suggested frustrated citizens stop whining and instead appreciate the refreshing ventilation found living underneath Toa Payoh flyovers.

"My BTO number is 8888 but my queue position is 40,000, might as well go Geylang find mama-san for room better," noted another applicant.

HDB maintains the system is perfectly fair, provided you enjoy losing more than a gambling addict at Marina Bay Sands.