The Singapore property market has reached a new peak of efficiency as landlords now require tenants to undergo a medical exam to ensure their internal organs are worth more than the security deposit.

With rental prices skyrocketing faster than a Ferrari on the ECP, desperate expats are bidding for the privilege of sleeping upright in a Toa Payoh bomb shelter.

Property agents have rebranded "mouldy corners" as "vintage organic wall features" to justify a 400% price hike.

"Wah lau, four grand only get one small corner in master bedroom, must share with the landlord's dog also," lamented tenant Tan Ah Kow.

Experts suggest that by 2025, the only affordable housing in Singapore will be a pre-booked slot in a Mandai columbarium.

"You don't want someone else take lor, five people already queuing to stay in my kitchen cabinet," said landlord Madam Lee.