Local "premium" parents are reportedly fuming after discovering their $20,000 black-market infant looks more like a standard HDB void deck uncle than a future Raffles Institution scholar.

The syndicate promised "top-tier aesthetics," but several Bukit Timah mothers complained that the imported merchandise arrived with asymmetrical ears and a nose that wouldn't survive a single Instagram filter.

"I paid for a limited-edition aesthetic, not a Clearance Bin special," screamed one mother who remains anonymous to avoid the SPF.

The Ministry of Trade and Industry has yet to clarify if Lemon Law protection applies to human trafficking victims who fail to meet the "cute" KPI.

Indonesian recruiters have been praised for ensuring even our human rights violations are world-class and expensive.