The Blackpink pop-up at Wisma Atria has successfully convinced thousands of grown-ass Singaporeans that their primary life purpose is accessorising a S$60 polyester bear.

With 45-minute slots strictly enforced, fans are sprinting through the store like a high-stakes supermarket sweep for overpriced plastic.

One devotee was seen hyperventilating after failing to secure a miniature denim jacket for a plushie that possesses more personality than its owner.

“Wah lau, I wait three years for this leh,” screamed a 30-year-old analyst.

“If I don’t buy the character face cushion, my life no meaning already, confirm plus chop!”

Management confirmed the album title “Deadline” refers to the precise second a fan’s dignity officially expires.