Sinkies across the island were left scratching their heads this week.How could the government possibly have "no information" on something as mundane as the Epstein Files?Surely, this isn't a lack of transparency, but a testament to Singapore's legendary efficiency.Our sophisticated surveillance state simply decided there was nothing worth knowing.Besides, who cares about some foreign scandal when the queue for the new BTO launch is already forming?Singapore is a global hub, darling, and we provide top-tier services to *everyone*, no questions asked.Our neutrality is our strength, especially when it means expertly avoiding anything that might smudge our spotless reputation.The only files Singaporeans are interested in are those detailing their CPF savings and who got the last limited-edition McDonald's toy.