Singaporeans, in a shocking turn of events, have unanimously declared their aversion to "one-off handouts."

A recent (and entirely fabricated) nationwide poll revealed 99.9% of Sinkies prefer the warm, fuzzy feeling of "longer-term structural schemes."

"Why take a measly few hundred dollars now," mused a hypothetical citizen, "when I can enjoy the sustainable promise of future prosperity... eventually?"

The government, clearly in tune with the public's deep-seated desire for delayed gratification, reaffirmed its commitment to not spoiling its citizens with easy cash.

Instead, look forward to "steady, sustainable wage increases" that will precisely match, then slightly underperform, the annual inflation rate.

Forget instant gratification; Singaporeans are apparently craving the sweet, slow burn of incremental improvement.

And no, it's *not* a handout when it's a "scheme," okay?