Singapore has once again proven that its primary national identity is just a very expensive shopping mall with a runway attached.

Citizens nationwide celebrated the 14th Skytrax "World’s Best Airport" title by flocking to Jewel to stare at the world’s most famous indoor hosepipe until they felt something resembling a personality.

The victory was especially "satisfying" given that the main Qatari competition withdrew to focus on not being incinerated by ballistic missiles.

"Wah lau, Qatar scared of bombs so we win lor, default win mah!" shouted one sweaty airport loiterer while aggressively petting a cleaning robot.

A Changi spokesperson confirmed that while other nations have "civil liberties," Singaporeans are content living vicariously through the efficiency of a carpeted transit hub.