Singapore’s geriatric millennials are entering a state of clinical panic following the announcement of a Pussycat Dolls reunion world tour.

The news has sent local forty-year-olds scrambling to find their 2005-era low-rise jeans, only to discover that two decades of laksa and salted egg fries have made “low-rise” look more like a “low-altitude hazard.”

Fans are bracing for a performance where the lead singer does 100% of the vocals while the other two members serve as high-end, vibrating stage furniture.

“Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was thin like me? My stomach now like prata folding leh,” remarked local fan, Mrs. Lim.

“Last time I wear these pants, I look like pop star; now I look like Michelin Man kena squeeze until want to vomit.”