World leaders are calling it a diplomatic miracle, but Singaporeans just see a 14-day flash sale on fuel.

Local uncles are reportedly flooring their Toyotas toward petrol stations before Donald Trump resumes his plan to delete Persian civilization from the map.

“I don’t care if the Strait of Hormuz becomes a giant boiling hot tub, as long as my 18% credit card rebate still applies,” said one auntie.

The two-week ceasefire is being treated with more frantic urgency than a limited-edition Hello Kitty drop at McDonald’s.

Government officials reminded citizens that impending global annihilation is absolutely no excuse for failing to meet your quarterly KPIs.

If the world is going to end in fifteen days, at least the tank will be full for the ride to hell.