Aljunied Crescent has finally achieved its dream of becoming a vibrant, open-concept living slum after rats were spotted holding a gourmet buffet at the local FairPrice.

One disgusted resident claimed the rodents were not just scavenging, but actively curating a “massive” collection of artisanal droppings to increase the neighbourhood’s rustic aesthetic value.

“Wah lau, these rats damn power one, they eat more fresh groceries than me during end-of-month,” remarked one traumatised eyewitness.

“I see them running around, I think they also trying to beat the crowd for discount eggs lah!”

Despite the Town Council’s “intensified engagement,” the rats have reportedly applied for permanent residency, citing the unlimited buffet and Aljunied’s charming, trash-forward atmosphere.