A new report confirming that toothbrushes are pumping microplastics directly into the bloodstream has sent Singaporeans into a frenzy of delight.

Local enthusiasts claim that infusing their internal organs with non-biodegradable polymers is the only way to survive the crushing pressure of daily life.

“Wah, actually very good leh, now my heart is made of nylon, so it won’t break when my boss scold me,” said one junior auditor.

Health officials suggest that by 2030, the average Sinkie will be 45% LEGO, making them officially more durable than the local infrastructure.

One mother was seen aggressively flossing until her gums bled, hoping to achieve "Tupperware-grade" arterial walls.

“Don’t say I bo jio, this one is free body reinforcement!” she screamed while swallowing a bristle.