SMRT has officially rebranded the decaying North-South Line fleet as a rolling museum of national suffering.

Commuters now enjoy the authentic 1987 experience of inhaling brake dust while slowly melting in 40-degree carriages.

The transport giant claims the intermittent wheel screeching provides a "symphonic tribute" to Singapore’s industrial roots.

"Wah lau, I thought I enter microwave, but the uncle say it's 'heritage' leh," complained commuter Tan Ah Kow.

"The door slam so loud my ancestor also wake up, but at least no need pay for sauna."

The CEO confirmed any train older than a cabinet minister is now a protected artifact.

Maintenance will be replaced by incense offerings to ensure these metal boxes don't spontaneously disintegrate before Bishan.