A recent study confirms that Singaporeans are so touch-starved that morning MRT crushes are now legitimate speed-dating events.

One local clerk, a "romantic fossil," claimed a stray elbow to the kidney felt like a "soulful embrace."

"Usually nobody touch me one, everyone just stare at phone," the clerk admitted while longingly stroking a bus pole.

"That day the uncle press against my backside because train pack, I almost ask him go ROM immediately, so shiok."

Experts suggest this famine results from a sterile society where the only thing citizens hold is a sense of impending doom.

Sinkies are now reportedly loitering near train doors to feel the accidental caress of a stranger’s briefcase.