A pale British tourist was reportedly "shook" after discovering that Singaporean street food is actually consumed in a humid concrete bunker.

Clarence Ponsonby, who arrived expecting a cinematic experience, was instead met with a shirtless uncle wiping tables with a rag from 1974.

"I thought there would be golden lanterns and a string quartet, not a lady screaming about my tray," Clarence wept while fanning himself with a soggy napkin.

Local expert, Mdm Tan, expressed zero sympathy for the visitor’s plight.

"Eh, you want food or you want to marry the chicken? Don't so drama lah, just eat and go, so many people queueing behind you know!" she barked.

The government has since suggested tourists bring their own air-conditioning units if they cannot handle the authentic aroma of fermented shrimp and industrial-grade body odour.