Cedric just wanted a cheap Bangkok getaway to buy his mother’s love, but Trip.com decided to spice up his holiday with a complimentary heart attack.

The insurance dates were so wrong, Cedric feared he’d have to stay in Thailand until 2028 just to break a leg legally.

"I wanted peace of mind, not a 72-hour investigation into why I’m so fucking gullible," Cedric barked while refreshing STOMP every six seconds.

The insurer eventually clarified the policy is valid regardless of the dates, proving travel insurance is just a $50 pinky-swear that you won’t get totally screwed.

"We apologize for the stress," said a spokesperson, "but for a $12 add-on, what did he want? A happy ending?"