The US Secret Service is reportedly overhauling its protocols by studying the impenetrable defense of a Singaporean condominium security uncle.

Instead of high-tech sensors, the White House will now employ a 68-year-old man in a short-sleeved polyester shirt who hates your guts.

The new security perimeter involves a heavy orange plastic barrier and a clipboard that requires every assassin to write down their NRIC and car plate number.

"The gunman was able to enter the hotel, but he wouldn't have made it past an uncle asking 'Go where?' with a face like a dried prune," said a security consultant.

Trump has also requested the installation of ERP gantries around the West Wing to ensure that any drive-by shooting incurs a minimum $6.00 administrative fee.

Most domestic terrorists are expected to abandon their plans once they realize the White House parking rates are $8.50 per half-hour.

If a shooter does manage to breach the perimeter, they will be subjected to the ultimate Singaporean deterrent: being told to wait for a physical letter from the authorities.

The Secret Service believes that the sheer trauma of interacting with a grumpy senior citizen who refuses to speak English is enough to stop any bullet.

"We don't need more guns, we just need more people who can say 'No Cannot' with absolute authority," Trump told reporters.