The historic ceasefire between Donald Trump and Iran has been met with a resounding "meh" across the heartlands, as the local population remains preoccupied with the tragic loss of private cubicles in massage parlors.

While the world celebrates the avoidance of World War III, Singaporeans are busy calculating if the lack of missiles in the Persian Gulf will finally stop their electricity bills from looking like a high score in Pac-Man.

Geopolitical analysts at a coffee shop in Toa Payoh confirmed that peace is "okay lah," but it doesn’t match the thrill of watching a delivery rider get tackled by five enforcement officers in a viral video.

"Trump can shake hands with whoever he wants, but unless he’s bringing back the $2.50 chicken rice, I don't see the point," said local resident Tan Ah Huat while aggressively scratching his belly in a public square.

The Ministry of Home Affairs reminded the public that while global peace is temporary, the ban on massage partitions is permanent, ensuring that every groan during a foot rub is witnessed by strangers for maximum accountability.

Authorities warned that any celebration of the ceasefire must be kept to a dull murmur, as excessive joy in public could lead to a $5,000 fine for having a personality without a valid permit.

Local netizens have already begun debating if the Iranian leadership would be a good fit for a mid-level management role at a local SME, citing their experience with handling blockades.

Meanwhile, the Singapore government has offered to host the peace talks, provided the delegates agree to pay for their own parking at the venue and bring their own lanyards.