Donald Trump has vowed to outwait the Iranian leadership, employing the same "ignore it until it goes away" strategy Singaporeans use for chronic back pain.

While Americans suffer from gasoline prices high enough to make a billionaire weep, Trump remains focused on installing a giant ballroom and a solid gold arch.

Local ministers have praised the move, noting that nothing screams "effective leadership" like spending millions on home decor while the commoners eat grass.

Foreign Minister Vivian Balakrishnan attempted to intervene by offering North Korea some pineapple tarts in hopes they wouldn't start a nuclear winter before lunchtime.

Singaporean citizens are encouraged to follow the President’s lead by pretending their mounting debt is simply a decorative feature of their bank accounts.

Experts suggest that if we all just stare at our overpriced Pokemon cards hard enough, the looming war might realize it’s being ghosted and leave.