Singaporeans are absolutely fucking livid that Donald Trump postponed the total annihilation of the human race by another fourteen days.

“I already told my boss to go fuck himself because I thought the nukes were landing at 8pm,” complained one Yishun resident currently frantically deleting his resignation WhatsApp.

Now, thousands of corporate slaves must awkwardly crawl back to their desks and pretend they didn't spend their CPF savings on premium hookers and cocaine in anticipation of the end.

Minister Vivian Balakrishnan confirmed that even if the Strait of Hormuz becomes a radioactive parking lot, Singapore will continue to prioritize international law and $12 cai fan prices.

The government also clarified that nuclear winter is no excuse for missing your IPPT.