Donald Trump has officially declared the Iran ceasefire a "total piece of garbage," confirming that global stability is significantly less important than his urge to be a chaotic menace.

By shredding Tehran’s peace proposal, Trump has successfully guaranteed that your monthly petrol bill will soon cost more than a flight to Japan.

Local drivers were seen sobbing at Shell stations, realizing they will soon have to trade their household appliances for a single liter of 95-octane.

The LTA is expected to raise ERP rates regardless, ensuring that even if you can’t afford fuel, you can still be charged for the privilege of being stationary.

"Peace is for low-energy losers," Trump allegedly whispered, while checking his oil stocks and laughing at the contents of your savings account.

Singaporeans are advised to start practicing their marathon skills now, as the cost of driving to work is about to surpass the total value of your CPF savings.