White House insiders have revealed that Donald Trump’s strategy to "apply pressure" to Xi Jinping involves a three-hour sustained wet willy during their state banquet.

The President is reportedly confident that this advanced negotiation tactic will force China to abandon Iran and lower tariffs on American-made spray tan.

"Xi is a tough cookie, but nobody can withstand the legendary Trump thumb-twiddle," a senior official whispered while nervously checking for hidden microphones.

The summit will also feature a "pompous" tour of the Temple of Heaven, where Trump plans to ask if the structure can be converted into a gold-plated golf resort with "low-IQ" ghosts.

Singaporean onlookers, currently enjoying the spectacle of two nuclear-armed seniors bickering over oil, are mainly grateful the meeting isn't causing a massive traffic jam at the CBD.

Trump remains optimistic, claiming he can fix the global economy by selling Xi a signed photo of his own face for several billion dollars.