The hourly rate for a Primary 5 Science tutor has officially surpassed the operating costs of a Gulfstream private jet.

Singaporean parents are now reportedly selling non-essential internal organs on the black market to ensure their children can identify a "stamen."

"Wah lau, last time fifty dollar can already, now one hour must give one Rolex or my HDB flat," complained Mrs. Tan, who now sleeps in a staircase landing.

Top-tier "Super Tutors" have begun demanding payment in pure gold bullion, citing the "extreme mental toll" of explaining photosynthesis to a child with the IQ of a fishball.

"If the boy don't get A-star, I don't give back the liver ah, standard protocol one," remarked celebrity tutor, Dr. Ng, while polishing his gold-plated Ferrari.

The Ministry of Finance is considering a new "Tuition GST" to tax the only local industry currently outperforming the sun’s surface temperature.