The US Navy successfully intercepted three Iranian tankers in Asian waters this morning, proving that even the middle of the ocean isn’t safe from an overzealous Saman King.

American sailors boarded the "Deep Sea" supertanker off the Malaysian coast to check if the crew had valid season parking or were hiding contraband vaping pods in their rectums.

While the world faces a soul-crushing energy crisis, Washington explained that hijacking millions of barrels of oil is essential to ensure Singaporean Grab drivers have a legitimate reason to go on a killing spree.

"We noticed the tankers were loitering without a valid parking coupon," explained one US Admiral while trying to figure out how to top up his CashCard at a buoy.

International security experts believe the Pentagon is simply treating the Malacca Strait as a massive ERP gantry where the penalty for a low balance is a tactical airstrike.

Local authorities have remained silent, likely distracted by the sight of a nuclear-powered destroyer attempting to illegal-park at a crowded East Coast hawker center.

Meanwhile, the Singaporean public is less worried about a global oil shortage and more concerned that the blockade will delay the arrival of their latest Taobao gimp suits.