The United States State Department has officially confirmed that its latest regional clearance sale was a smashing success, moving US$11 billion worth of high-end hardware to the Middle East.

Because nothing says “fragile ceasefire” like restocking the pantry with four billion dollars’ worth of fresh Patriot missiles.

While most Singaporeans are busy waiting for the next 11.11 sale to save five dollars on a generic phone case, Qatar and Kuwait are enjoying a significantly more explosive shopping spree.

The "Warlord Premium" package reportedly includes integrated battle command systems and enough Advanced Precision Kill Weapon Systems to turn any quiet neighborhood into a vibrant crater.

“We wanted to ensure our partners have the latest tech before the ceasefire expires in approximately twenty minutes,” a spokesperson commented while high-fiving a Lockheed Martin executive.

The sale proves that global peace is secondary to hitting quarterly revenue targets and clearing out old inventory before the next model of destruction drops.

The US is even offering free shipping on all orders over five billion, provided the destination is currently a contested wasteland.

Local aunties are reportedly furious that they can’t get the same bulk-buy discount on frozen sea bass at the wet market.