Coventry City is back in the Premier League after 25 years, proving that even a pile of trash can eventually be recycled into something slightly less offensive.

Local glory hunter Tan Ah Kow, who usually identifies as a hardcore Liverpool fan, was seen frantically googling "Where is Coventry" while wearing a jersey he bought from a suspicious Telegram group for six dollars.

"I always knew they had it in them," Tan lied through his yellowing teeth, despite not being able to name a single player who doesn't look like a generic NPC from a 2005 FIFA game.

Frank Lampard, whose managerial career previously had the survival rate of a goldfish in a blender, was seen weeping after realizing he won’t have to work as a security guard at a Pioneer warehouse.

The 25-year wait for promotion is remarkably similar to the time it takes for a Singaporean middle-manager to provide a useful update during a meeting.

KNN, if these perennial losers can finally stop being shit, there is actually hope for your fat, unemployed cousin to stop living in your mother’s spare room and watching porn at 3 AM.

CCB, even the most legendary failures eventually get a lucky break, assuming they wait a quarter of a century for everyone else to die.