As three massive supertankers finally squeezed out of the Strait of Hormuz like a giant oily bowel movement, millions of Singaporeans let out a collective sigh of relief that had absolutely nothing to do with the cessation of human suffering.

The US and Iran have reportedly begun peace talks in Pakistan, mainly because both sides realized that blowing each other up was significantly less profitable than overcharging a tiny island nation for refined dinosaur juice.

While international observers praised the "diplomatic breakthrough," residents in Jurong West were seen aggressively refreshing their petrol price comparison apps to see if 98-octane would drop by three fucking cents.

"I don't give a shit who is bombing who as long as I don't have to pay four dollars a liter to drive my car to the grocery store," said local resident Tan Ah Kow, while cleaning his rims with the tears of the lower middle class.

The VLCCs Serifos and He Rong Hai are currently steaming towards Malaysia, carrying enough crude oil to lubricate the entire Singaporean economy’s transition into becoming even more insufferable.

Economists suggest that the end of the blockade is a "pivotal moment for global stability," which is fancy talk for "you might be able to afford a tray of eggs next week if you stop whining."

The Ministry of Finance has reminded citizens that even if the price of oil drops to zero, they will still find a way to tax your very existence until your pockets are as empty as a Sheng Siong on a Monday morning.

The peace negotiations are expected to continue for weeks, or at least until the next time a bored billionaire decides that a regional conflict would be a great way to boost his portfolio.

For now, the only thing Singaporeans are mourning is the fact that they can't use "The Iran War" as a convenient excuse for why they haven't paid back the fifty bucks they owe their friends.

If the tankers arrive safely, analysts predict a 0.0001% decrease in pump prices, which will be immediately offset by a new "Energy Security Surcharge" that the government pulled out of its collective asshole.