Yishun has once again cemented its reputation as Singapore’s premier open-air asylum for low-SES combat sports.

What began as two kids bumping bicycle tires escalated into a high-stakes Royal Rumble featuring a very horizontal 37-year-old woman.

Eyewitnesses clutched their iPhones with erotic intensity, praying for enough blood to secure a $50 STOMP voucher.

An 18-year-old was arrested for her "rash act," which is Yishun-speak for failing to knock someone out in one hit.

The woman sprawled on the ground is reportedly doing fine, though her husband’s attempt to drag her across the floor provided the best slapstick comedy of 2026.

Authorities are considering installing octagonal fences around all Ring Road carparks to facilitate future bloodsports.